Sincerely, Wind — Short Story

It didn’t take him long to sense that intense longing for a friend. He wasn’t an expert at exploring emotions. However, on that first day, he finally came to comprehend what Wind meant about loneliness. Atonement. It wasn’t the exact feeling when you were yearning for love. For him, Wind is an inspiring, warm colleague. He was almost like an older brother to him. Like a board of puzzles, it wasn’t completed until the whole pieces were intact. And he, Wind, was the last missing piece in his life.

It was Monday. Joey had made it again to this place. From 50 individuals to 9. He had no idea whether should be joyful or woeful. Among the 9, none of them ever suffered this incident before. Shocking, to them. Empty, for him.

“Are you okay?” Ellen noticed Joey’s face looking pale, “It would be harder from now on, I hope you’re doing great.”

“I — ,” he gulped, then continued, “ — did Wind not join us?”

A frightening silence.

“I’m sorry, Jo,” was all Ray ever said.

“Do you guys know…his number? Or…flat address?” Joey added.

“Dude,” Kayla snapped, “he’s been our company’s huge mystery, all right? Let alone his phone number, I doubt that every information written on his curriculum vitae was legitimate.”

“You see, you should not forget how he’s been keeping a distance from us. Even that snake-witch failed to seduce him. How could we have known?” Sheryl said, rolling her eyes across everyone who stood in rows at the meeting room, making sure the said snake-witch wasn’t present yet.

Joey agreed. Wind had never told anyone about his personal information. He refused to take numbers from anyone. Every day, long before the mass lay-off, Wind always attempted finishing his tasks punctually, so nobody could text him about work beyond labor time. He refused to explain what kind of work he was having before stepping into this place , if that happened, would always steer the conversation away. Regarding his shift at this company, he’d just plainly say, “I want to look for new opportunities”.

“Our higher-ups didn’t seem to favor that young man so much. It’s his fault for not being social.” someone added.

A collective hum was echoing across the meeting room.

Joey objected inwardly. Yes, Wind was indifferent towards certain social circumstances. But, he acted that way because people had already decided his nature. Joey knew he was not the ignorant type. He just let people see what they wanted to see.

It perplexed him how his colleagues antagonized Wind for being private about his past, which nobody even had known about. Somewhere, deep in his heart, Joey understood the struggles he had been hiding.

Dear Joey,

I grew embarrassed of my feelings that were poured into this journal. But, you said I had to throw it all out to heal myself. And I hope I will be better after this.

I did not know what exactly had happened to me.

It was not like I never noticed people eyeing my stubbornness. The moment their eyes stared at me with that cold gaze, I decided it was the time to withdraw myself. I didn’t ask to possess this trait. I couldn’t childishly blame my parents or my blood. Everything had been my choice from the start. By the time I sensed their unwelcoming greetings, I stepped back and lived in seclusion. I am aware of still being the same immature child. I deserved all the punishments. Sometimes, we just couldn’t make people love us. When I came back to the isolation, the idea suddenly dawned on me. Maybe they had been hating me since the first time I spoke. They were discreetly irritated at me for seeking attention. They were sick of my ego.

Joey, am I being dramatic? They are irreplaceable friends, but lately, I sensed that I was just a burden to them. No matter how kind they were, I could see through them immediately. It wasn’t like me to judge people this strongly.

You are the first person I have deep-talked to for the last year. I kept being shut about my past, thinking no one would listen. Sometimes, I refrained from talking about it at all, letting them wonder about the mystery that enveloped me. Thinking they would belittle my pain. Thinking they would compete for my life against theirs. From the gaslighting to heartbreak, I buried it deeply, to the point it has brimmed and leaked through my mannerism. Once, I felt like a bad person when I behaved agitatedly. I knew they were upset at me, and I would never be able to reciprocate their kindness forever. I had been the opinionated man, if not, a little bit cynical. Sometimes I didn’t realize how sharp my words were. I wanted to be understood as an imperfect human being whose feelings were honest and bold. But it is okay, I made wrongful choices and they were right. Nobody raised me with rules, so freedom has been a company for a long time. And it leads me to a stray path sometimes. I find difficulty in controlling my anger, gets easily wounded when we faced different opinions. Since the past still clings to me, it’s as if their words are pointed at my ego. I saw it with my own eyes, that they treated me like trash. Was I just overthinking this?

Dear Joey,

Nobody wants to be friends with ego. It kills you, wipes the inner beauty off your soul, sets you apart from people you love. And here I am, always contemplating why I was born with this disposition.

Wind was a new employee at his office. Despite the rumors that surrounded him, Joey thought he had an excellent performance. When he introduced himself to the colleagues, however, he looked tense. As time went by, his stiffness didn’t tone down. No matter how friendly his colleagues were, he restrained being too intimate to them, as if had built a barrier around him. Easy-going, yet unapproachable was probably accurate to describe him. The more he tried to befriend him, the more he realized that he hid something from people. Everything he had seen from Wind the whole time was just a facade.

I wish I had forced him to send me a text, he thought, as he plunged into perplexion about how to contact him. He just wanted to make sure he was safe and fine. Has he ridden back to his hometown? Will he stay in this region until he pitches a new job? The curiosity drove him insane. What had he been hiding to display such tenseness? Joey was losing out of options. His writing in the notebook looked so ugly amid his jumbled mind. He scribbled another thing below.

Flat Adress

Phone Number

Social Media

None above resulted positively. Maybe the last resort would be asking his former colleagues at his former work, though, it sounded a little bit reckless. Or should he ask his number to that snake-witch? She would have it, considering her serious attempt to catch his attention. But, if it meant letting everyone else know his intention…

Sheryl suddenly screamed to Ellen about an upcoming project requested by the owner. She asked where the brief is, which was subsequently answered by Ellen that she was going to send it via e-mail.

And it hit him. “I doubt that every information written on his curriculum vitae was legitimate,” Kayla’s voice echoed in his head.

“But this one wouldn’t,” Joey sounded confident, as he shifted to his computer and switched his main account into an HR e-mail. If not, where else he would apply to work here? Sorry, Ellen, he thought.

He typed in Wind’s name, hoping to discover his recruitment e-mail there, but no results. He then browsed fervently through the numerous folders and sub-folders inside the account. He inhaled at the name:

“Recruitment: CVs”.

Joey still had hope.

Dear Joey,

I figured I was experiencing the symptoms of mental health issues. After reading similar articles online, I decided to get a check-up. It was as I was afraid of. I was diagnosed with severe burnout, but there was nothing else I could do other than therapy. With my current state, I have to restrain this mindless self-destructive action if I still want to be alive. I will stop interacting with my friends for a moment, lest I upset them with my unstable emotion. I think it is rooted in a bad trauma at a company before this. I couldn’t help it, my viciousness was my defense not to let people have control over me. Curses, the talk-backs; the aftermath remained. Whenever people tried to manipulate me, I eventually noticed and let ego become my natural mechanism.

The reason I had been quiet about my past was because it was hell. People around me were hungry for dominance, and I was pressured to be a worshipper of their doctrine. They thought I had always been the plain-naive kid who never rebelled. It was until they started calling me mad.

I am a mad man, Joey.

They supposed I should be grateful to them for accepting me there when no one didn’t. Joey, should I keep my mouth shut toward injustice? They teamed up to bring me down. To make me miserable. They wanted me to stop digging my nose into injustice, they wanted me to move far away, but knowing I had no one to go, I didn’t have anything to believe anymore. Right, I should have known my place…

Days changed into weeks, and weeks turned into months. Joey was finally getting his smile back at that same company. Things had been much better in that place. He received a raise, his works engaged more audiences, and his peers were less pretentious than how they used to be. He almost forgot that half a year ago, he sent a long letter to Wind via e-mail. He apologized for being a bad colleague, not involving him more in his team, and so on. He was anxious that the lay-off would lead Wind to become more sorrowful. He still remembered the first time Wind opened up to him about his struggle. It was morning, where Joey and Wind coincidentally arrived earlier, that it was only the both of them at the work room. He also told him in the letter, how he had known about Wind’s resignation a week before the team dismissal happened. He wanted to know what particular discussions Wind and his owner had at that time. His 3-months presence almost felt like a year to Joey, so losing him was painful to him.

So, that morning, Joey almost looked at his notification in disbelief. He had to wince for some amount of time to make sure he wasn’t misreading it. He wasn’t; It was an e-mail from Wind. He hurriedly stopped his creative brainstorming process and moved to his seat. He read it with an intense focus. After that, he replied to the e-mail as soon as possible, in hopes of getting a fast response as well. However, he didn’t prepare that the exact reply would never come. Another month changed into years, years turned into another year, and suddenly it had been 5 years since the first mass dismissal occurred.

Wind never came into contact anymore, and it still bothered him how he had been now. And once again, he regretted not asking his contacts upfront. The long-drawn silence from Wind had increased his worry, but there was nothing he could do about it. He could only pray that he was safe somewhere out there, finally embracing the warmth and happiness he had been wishing. []